We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
People in love make me want to vomit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
