my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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