My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
