Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
