I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
