it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
