I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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