Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
