Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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