I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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