one might say we're banned from that church
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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