what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
