I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
