I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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