he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
