How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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