I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
