ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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