I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
