She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
