I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
