I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
