rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
