batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
