just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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