I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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