took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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