Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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