the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
