Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
