I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
