to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
