You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
