we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
