He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
