Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
