On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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