Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
