Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
