living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
