It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
