so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
