Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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