At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
