dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
