you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
