I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
