It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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