I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
