It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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