Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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