Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
