Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
