it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
