I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
