if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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