today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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