i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
