your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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