i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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