The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
