I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
