The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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