I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
