I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm jealous of your bromance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I will be naked everywhere
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
