the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
