Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
