I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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