I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
