I accidentally burped into my bong.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
