I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
