How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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