Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
