so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
