Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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