So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
