You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
