My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How naked do you want me to be?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
