I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
