just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
