you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
