am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
