I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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